speed down the highway, perfectly centered between the two lines, endless, stretching beyond us. all there is is the now, and all there will be is not even thought of. your elbow on the windowsill, thumb around the steering wheel. i sit in the passenger seat and you don’t see me looking at you. or maybe you do, but you stare straight ahead and i memorize the delicate curl of your ear, make constellations out of the freckles on your neck. i track the way your knee shifts when you turn cruise control on and relax a little bit. we pass through a tunnel under a sheer cliff of rocks and suddenly we’re thrown into darkness.
june is our holy moment. we dream of thunderstorms that never end, and we live under the skirts of trees with arms like grandmothers, sweeping and all-consuming. you, you are all-consuming. i feel swallowed up when you look at me, like i’m in the comfortingly purple process of drowning, already under water, breathless and dying over and over again in a lake of stars, forever watching the way your mouth twitches when you’re trying not to laugh at something i’ve said. range over me, like mountains, cover me in moss, bury me below the earth, and leave me for ashes, ashes, ashes. i like to think you’re hungry. we’re all hungry for something - i am hungry for your thin wrists, the stretch of the tendons behind your knees, the way you shiver when i write with my finger i love you i love you i love you over and over again in the smoky hollows of your bony hips. our bed is one of pine needles, and we make love in a mist of insect repellent and 3 am fog while crickets sing and the moon passes over and over and over and we ignore the logic of time passing. for us, time is only the miles between duluth and international falls, it doesn’t extend past itasca. we pretend as though we’re immune to the realities of july through december, as though northern minnesota is the whole world and beyond that there is nothing and nobody and we are the only two people in the world.
as the skies darken to purple, we become fireflies, we slam into each other in a blind chase and my hands shake, hips turn to dust and we’re nothing but lights, the curl of a fire, the inconsistent way in which time passes. the first night is blissfully slow, 6:30 am and we’re lying curled around each other like commas in love, with the rain roaring on the plastic tent. the vaccines play softly from my dying phone, and we kiss slowly and lazily, which is the most beautiful way to kiss, and we wait for the rain to end so we can pack up and move like nomads to a destination. not destination. that’s the point. just move, get away, don’t let time catch up.
there was one moment i remember in particular. two actually. well, the whole week was full of moments that i like to come back to and of which i memorize every nuance while i fall asleep in canada and you fall asleep 5600 miles away in chile. the first moment sits in my stomach, full of an indescribable feeling that tasted like dizziness and the salt on your skin. we came down off that hill and the whole of duluth and lake superior were spread out below us and i felt like falling, and that if we did fall, i would catch you and you would catch me and we would continue to fall, with nothing catching us or stopping us, but only falling straight through the earth and out into space, floating around alone. that seemed so beautiful to me, to fall forever, weightless and beingless. i have always wanted to have no being, to be a part of the world without having substance, to exist without existing. with you, i feel as though i exist so thoroughly and wholeheartedly that i am solid, not ghostly, as though i could stop a bullet with just a flick of my finger. unbeatable, unstoppable, total and complete existence. in that moment when i saw miles and miles of water below us, i existed so hard that it took my breath away. i’ve never existed as much as i did in that moment.
the second moment was yellow, pure yellow. it was such an ethereal moment that all i really remember was the muted light of the early afternoon sun blinking softly through the flaps of the tent. we woke up from a nap, naked and sticky with sweat, and in that half second between sleep and awakeness, the soft blending of dream and reality, they became the same. my reality was waking up with my cheek squished against your ribcage, and i had been dreaming of that exact thing. if you have never woken up to the feeling of your head gently rising up and down with the inhales and exhales of another person, then you do not know what it is to be the sea, to be nothing but nothing, to be everything and everything, all at once. to be in love is to be absolutely weightless and yet heavy with another person.
drive. drive. stop. kiss you at the stoplight on highway 61. continue. night falls. we fall, over and over again. time, time, time, time doesn’t exist, we don’t exist, all that exists is the road and the trees flashing by, and our non-destination, the non-us, the non-being that we lost ourselves in in the lovely and empty spaces of northern minnesota. leave us in the forest to die small bird deaths. that is all we are, all we ever will be.
Hiiiiii lovely, do you have any idea of around when you Will be posting the sequel? No pressure at all, just curious :) also have you had a good day so far? Have you received à text that made you smile? What's the last song you've listened to? Is IT raining where you live? IT is where I am, but i like it, it relaxes me. I'm going to italy in à few days and I'm very excited! Where Would you like to travel most? With who? What's the last book you've read? Was it good? I can't type much more so xxx
The post is ready and everything!! Just messing around with it and waiting for my pal to read it!
And my day has been pretty shit tbh lmaO this entire week has been a bunch of bullshit. But Bo Burnam is on TV and I’ve lost ten more pounds and Im ready to face life. lmAOo.
All my messages on tumblr make me smile!! But yEs my pumpkin caz always makes me smile :)
tHe last song I listened to wasss: your time hasnt come yet, baby by elvis presley!!!
and omg nooo :(( I wish it was raining so bad. its really hot here and i hate it so much. ugh i wanna go wherever you are. rain is so nice.
oh and the last book i read was Lolita, which I’ve already read once but I went through and tabbed all the french words and translated theml maOO.and yeah its amazing you have no idea omG
aND OMG WHAT??? when you get back from italy you should tell me about it!!! thats so exciting, like im etting excited for you!! wow!!!
honestly, if i could travel anywhere i would want to go to : Colmar, Annecy, and Equisheim which are all these really pretty towns in France and I’d probably want to go with my bro and his GF or my friend Caz oorrr my old friend byron because he has been over there before plus i really miss him lmAo.
bUT SEriously tell me about Italy when you get back!!??? like im so curious!!
wankerville this is my lil bunny
omg I’m crying?????? It’s so fluffy???? And perFect???? Oh mY god I’m so emotional over tHis??? And is it eating a carrot in that one pic or is that someone’s finger?? I’m jusT wowowo?!!!11!!
I've been meaning to try strawberry milk since I read your fic aND I HAVEN'T yET AND THAT IS SO UPSETTING. Hiiiiiiii, little bubble, i hope i'm not bothering youuuu 🍃
ppffFFTTt, bothering me??? not at all, do not worry my lil sparkle!
but omGG youve never had strawberry milk!??????!
thats crazzYY!! idk a lot of people dont like it? but like the local milk place in my county makes it in this really weird special way so maybe thats why its so good to me?? i wOULD SEND YOU SOME IF I COULD u deserve it!!!
I think you're literally the sweetest person i follow!!!! Always so kind to everyone, hope you're having a wondeful day<3
awwww i just made this weird gurgle noise in the back of my throat??!11?? this message is so kind, its like having someone spoon you warm honey to make you feel better!! thank u so much my lil dumpling, you are so nice to me and i love u!!! :)x
Bern, Switzerland - 04/07